I’ve been with my husband for almost 10 years, married for 7
Moved with him to a foreign country to start a life, 5 years into the marriage he wants space, says I’m too https://besthookupwebsites.org/cs/feabie-recenze/ clingy. Got my own place briefly and we decided to move back in together for sake of costs. We have been doing long distance for a year and a half, seeing each other once a month or so, talking on Skype etc frequently.
Then I moved back to the USA for my career, he stayed put, citing that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be in a relationship with anyone at all but was still very confused and didn’t want to lose me, but didn’t want to make any sacrifices
It had been going somewhat fine, but I ultimately had a goal of us living together and being a family again. He even told me a few weeks ago that he thought it would be a reality someday soon, but I’m currently visiting him where he lives and he told me that he didn’t see us ever living together again, at least not for the foreseeable future. I was upset about that, told him so, then he tells me he doesn’t think he can do this anymore because he doesn’t want to hurt me and can’t continue this long distance arrangement if I’m not happy with it. Then, I thought about it and convinced myself that I was ok with it. I said, “well when we lived together it wasn’t really that great, and you’re happy with your own space, so what’s wrong with this current arrangement?
And to complicate matters, we have been seeing other people for the past year or so, and there is no expectation of celibacy when we’re not together, but I see him falling in love with someone else and topping off this nightmare with the most hurtful news ever
I’ve been settling for years, making myself ok with things. And I’m finally happy with myself and my career and who I am, which is something I can’t say I’ve ever really been able to admit. I keep telling myself that I don’t really need this long-distance marriage that feels like it’s being drawn out with no happy ending, and I don’t need this stress, so why do I keep thinking that one day the stars will align and we both e thing?
I continue to hurt because I’m not getting what I want out of this marriage and I put myself at risk of complete and utter sorrow by agreeing that seeing other people is probably reasonable. Why am I continuing to settle for this? And the most confusing part of all this for me is that we do love each other, we care very deeply about each other, and when we talk he always tells me how he does not want to lose me, he wants to be in my life forever. The most consistent theme in our conversations is our lack of clarity for what is right and what we should do. We’ve got the love, we’ve got the friendship, and we’ve got a healthy sexual relationship, but I just want more and he cannot give me more.
Nothing about this situation is easy and nothing about it is conventional. There is no doubt in my mind that this is a toxic relationship and I need to completely remove myself from it, but I’m so scared of being alone. Our most recent argument started because he told me he was going out tonight with friends. I took off work to fly here to visit him, and he tells me that he would rather I not go with him. I asked him if he could at least understand why this is upsetting to me. He admitted that he did understand, but then followed by saying “this is why I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone, because I don’t want to deal with this kind of stuff”.